Rumble in the Jungle

Thanks to Kyle Callahan over at Fluid Imagination, my wife Paula and I had one of the times of our lives careening through the tropical jungles on the West side of the Sierra Madre on an ATV built for two. Before we started, we had to sign a release form that essentially had us agreeing not to sue them if we drove off the mountain ending up paralyzed. This caused some trepidation in wife Paula, who at that point was going along, mostly because she knew how much I wanted to do this one.

The trip actually was far short of death defying, but is filled with enough thrills and heart-pounders to pump adrenaline and etch lifetime memories. We started in the central district of Puerto Vallarta, and moved to the outskirts of town along cobblestone streets where we dodged all sorts of traffic at first. It was a bit like Heart of Darkness, every block or two, we found ourselves in increasingly primitive Mexico. Just before we actually crossed a bridge and started into the jungle itself, we started seeing more horses and a burro or two, mixed in with 60s vintage pick up trucks and custom dented old cars.

Then it was all green. Unfortunately, the sound our ATVs drowned out the sounds of the jungle, but not the sights which were posh and dramatic and magnificent. Because the trail was etched into gulleys from tropical rains, Paula got to enjoy it more than me. My eyes were mostly glued two the steep curvy trail in front of me. I have never operated an ATV before and Paula was kind a couple of times, in not shrieking: “WE’LL ALL BE KILLED,” a few times on the curves and across the half dozen streams where I seemed to have a knack for finding the deepest water. Instead she just started singing, “Whenever I feel afraid, I whistle a happy tune…” I never knew she had all the words memorized.

The absolute highpoint was our first break in our three-hour tour, which was at a small waterfall, where we could jump into excitingly chilling water and swim among a school of small trout. This was one of those moments to remember forever, and for both Paula and me, outdid the actual ATV ride. After the swim, we gathered with our tour guide and one fellow traveler—Chad a heavily tattooed , excessively thin schoolteacher from Richmond, Virginia at bar in the jungle. The bar offered only two choices—Tequila and Mexican moonshine. Paula and I passed but Chad went for the moon. Our greatest challenge from that point was driving back behind Chad who would slow for no reason at all as the shine hit his brain while he piloted his ATV with one hand and camcorded his ride back with the other.

Our second stop was at a thatch-roofed restaurant &bar on the banks of a white water river. The food and ambience were superb. The people who work there were friendly and the food cheap and good. We lingered there a bit longer than was needed. The reason became obvious as we watched the visual chemistry between our guide and the establishment’s attractive cook. It was clear that there was more than chimichangas going on between them. The name of the tour is ATV Jungle Treks. An ATV built for two was about $90 for the three-hour adventure. The experience was priceless. I would recommend it to anyone visiting Puerto Vallarta, except those with faint hearts or hemorrhoids.